Confidence

Dear parents and colleagues,

Whilst one of our Year 5 students was waiting for his parents the other day, he popped into my office. I asked if he had any homework, and he said he had some maths to complete. Brilliant, I thought. Perhaps I could give him a hand. He was working through a sheet on 3D shapes, identifying edges, faces and vertices. I only offered a couple of hints and as he worked through the questions, he was getting them all right. After finishing the last one, he looked up and said: “I am confident with this topic.”

At the other end of the spectrum, our head student in Year 13 led the charity auction at our school gala last Friday, his first time ever. He stood in front of a large audience and, to those who did not know, it seemed as if he had been doing auctions for years. He was calm, assured and fully in control- a confident young man in every sense.

These two examples show different paths to the same quality: confidence. the Year 5 student’s confidence grew through practice and familiarity. Our head student, on the other hand, appeared confident in a situation he had never faced before. Without previous experience in auctions, he spoke clearly and took control of the moment. 

This has led me to reflect on the idea of confidence and then into the question:

Is confidence a skill we develop over time or something we are born with?

I am sure many of us would agree that some people seem naturally confident. They walk into a room, speak in front of others or try something new with ease, as if confidence is simply part of who they are. Perhaps, one day, neuroscientists will explain why. But for most of us, this is not the case.

When I think about confidence, and I am aware I am making a broad generalisation here, it seems we spend vast amounts of time building confidence in very specific tasks. In the first case, it was maths. For others, it might be learning a language, an instrument or developing skills in public speaking or debating. But when it comes to the kind of confidence we need in everyday life such as starting a difficult conversation, asking a fellow passenger to turn their music down or talking to strangers at a party, we rarely get any training. That is perhaps a whole separate discussion for another reflection! 

As I explored the idea of confidence further, I found no shortage of research on the topic. But what truly caught my attention was something quite unexpected.

The Dutch writer and philosopher Erasmus, in his book In Praise of Folly (1509), reminds us that everyone, no matter how important or educated might seem, is a fool. In a similar way, the painting The Dutch Proverbs by Pieter Bruegel shows a chaotic and humorous picture of human life. In the painting, people are doing all sorts of strange things: one man is throwing his money into a river; another is sitting on a fire and burning his trousers. 

Erasmus and Bruegel’s work suggests that the path to greater confidence does not lie in constantly reassuring ourselves of our own importance or dignity. Rather, it lies in accepting our inevitable moments of foolishness.

Looking back at both students, I saw that too. Before the young student started his worksheet, I picked up a book and asked how many faces it had. “One,” he said, a rather silly answer. But he was not embarrassed when he realised. He didn’t flinch, didn’t explain it away and didn’t let it affect him. He just moved on.

Likewise, after someone accepted the suggested amount in the charity's auction, our older student followed it with a smaller one, the opposite of what you are meant to do in an auction. But he did not pause. He corrected himself and carried on. Yes, nerves may have played a part, but even when he might have seemed a little foolish, he did not let it bother him.

So, after all, accepting that foolishness is part of who we are might just help us become more confident individuals.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones.

See you back on 28th April!

Francisco Escobar
Principal & Head of Pastoral Care